 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
THE FRANTIC FLICKER
"The movie magazine that isn't..."
----Serving nonsense on a golden platter since 2004.----
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Issue #18: July 2, 2004
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
www.franticflicker.com
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"We're not as organized as they are because we're not as crazy and evil."
- John Carpenter, discussing right-wing fringe groups. DGA Magazine, July-Aug. 1996.
IN THIS ISSUE:
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
==>So Many Winners
==>My Fellow Americans
==>Dark Star
==>Superatomic Giveaway of the Week
==>Whodunnit?
SO MANY WINNERS
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Okay, okay, so I fell way behind on the prizes here. But here are the winners of the last few
contests, up to and including this one. Be patient, and you will reap the bountiful rewards of
all that flickers.
THE LAS VEGAS HILLBILLYS DVD
will go to
MARYBETH CHEW
of Philadelphia, PA
who said
"My SUIT went on the badger, and off we went."
THE FRANK HENENLOTTER VHS TRIPLE FEATURE
will go to
MATTHEW REEL
of Tucson, AZ
who said
"BLAB all you want, someone's eventually going to kick your ass."
AND
THE BRIDE OF THE GORILLA DVD
will go to
RICH LUMLEY
of Woodland Hills, CA
who said
"I'd really feel LOST without a copy of Bride of the Gorilla."
Feel lost no more, my friend, for the Flicker shall show you the way...
MY FELLOW AMERICANS
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Like most folks I know, I'm not a flag-burner or a flag-waver. I'm an "enjoy the freedom, and
get pissed off when they try to take it away, but otherwise go about your business" kind of
guy. I'm not gonna get into any political blah, blah, blah here, but I like Independence Day,
and I'll tell you why. I like this country AND I like the idea of revolution. In fact, I think that we
ought to have more revolutions here. Not political revolutions necessarily (I'm not getting into
it), but hell yes, revolutions: literary revolutions, artistic revolutions, technological and
philosophical revolutions. Sexual revolutions, religious revolutions, and revolutionary
revolutions. Band together and shake things up! Make progress quickly! Revolutionize EVERY
industry, and every aspect of life! Revolutions rule!
On Independence Day this year, remember that the reason we're celebrating is that a bunch
of guys got together a couple hundred years ago and got "inspired" enough to do something
major. They led a revolution. They fought a Revolutionary War. They were rad.
Tonight I'm going to the Hollywood Bowl for the annual John Phillip Sousa and fireworks-fest.
It wasn't my idea, but I've been before, and it's fun. Even if most of your Independence Day
thoughts are of revolution.
Eric
I'm not the biggest John Carpenter fan in the world. I like some of his movies (Halloween, In
the Mouth of Madness, They Live) and really despise some others (Escape from L.A. and
ESPECIALLY Starman), and then there are others that folks really like that I feel neutral about
(The Thing, Escape from New York). But when I was a kid I caught this movie on TV called
Dark Star, and I really dug it. Turns out it was John Carpenter's student film from USC with
some added footage. I haven't seen it since, but I'm giving it away this week and wrote a
story with the same title...
DARK STAR
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I had been working way too hard. That night I must have fallen asleep mid-calculation. When
I woke up, I was on the couch, and the news was on. They said there were reports of a
dinosaur in the parking lot at the mall. A dinosaur at the mall, have you ever heard such a
thing? Obviously the people at Channel 6 were not scientists. Being a scientist myself, what
was I supposed to think? There was no live feed, and they specifically asked that no one go
over there. Something was very wrong with the story. I obviously wasn't going to get back to
sleep, so I decided to go see what was what.
I arrived at the mall in the middle of a long line of cars, probably 30 or 40 other people
straining to see what was going on. Seven police cars blocked the way into the parking lot,
and one solitary cop stood there telling everyone to go away. Of course, the traffic up to that
point had bottlenecked, and so there was no way to back out or get through, with more cars
joining the line each minute. I parked my car in the lane, and while the policeman was yelling
at everyone to get the hell out of there, I walked right past him.
I climbed a small hill, and got into position to have a look-see. There were at least twenty
police officers running around and screaming. That was all I saw. I was probably a hundred
yards away from them, but I didn't see a dinosaur.
"I see him!"
"He's over there!"
I felt my body tense up, but they weren't talking about me. They were looking in a the other
direction.
"Shoot it!"
A shot rang out, and I got out my binoculars. What the hell were they doing?
From a closer perspective, I could see that the cops at least thought they were looking at
something. They moved in a circle like they were trying to corral an invisible monster, but it
just wasn't there.
Then all at once, like a skip in a record, the police were twenty feet closer to me. I hadn't
blinked, but they had moved. The policemen looked around, dumbstruck. They all knew that
something strange had happened, but couldn't figure out what. They were all in the same
positions relative to each other, but just in a different part of the parking lot. One of them
screamed. The others looked over in horror to see that the man's leg was sticking out of a
parked car. Not from the door, but from the hood and the bumper. He was occupying the
same space as the front of the car, fused to it permanently. The others rushed to him, torn
between comforting him and screaming at the invisible dinosaur. Chaos reigned free.
I put down my binoculars. What could make a group of people move like that from one place
to another? And what was this beast they seemed to be chasing after? And then suddenly it
all made sense. A time vacuum. Since the earth was always moving, wouldn't it make sense
that a person traveling in time would also travel in relative space? If you were to suddenly
move 100 years into the future, do you think that the planet would be in the same spot as
when you left? No, indeed. You would have to calculate perfectly or else you'd either end up
underground, or even more likely, in outer space. But if a time vacuum was small enough, say
fifteen minutes or so, a person could easily find himself in a more personal time warp, and
instantly appear in an alternate future fifteen minutes later, which would in fact take no time
at all.
The dinosaur made sense to me now, too. While the time vacuum wouldn't exactly be visible
to the naked eye, it would have the same effect on the brain as large doses of magnetic
waves, and could easily cause a person to see or feel things that weren't there. So there
would be no dinosaur sighting. What a rip off.
So I thought about what could have caused this disturbance. It would have taken a beam of
concentrated time from the heart of a black hole, of course, but how would such a beam
materialize here on earth? It would take a... yes, a time plasma nebulator, just like the one I
had at home.
The cops warped again, and were even closer to me than before. This time their shoes were
fused into the concrete just enough that they couldn't move them. The cop whose leg had
been fused to the car was still fused to the car, just in a different parking spot. And all at
once I started to realize the likelihood of my being the only person in town experimenting
with black holes and a time plasma nebulator. Had I remembered to turn the machine off
before I fell asleep? No, I guessed I hadn't.
I went back to where my car had been, but it was gone, along with the other cars nearby and
the road beneath it. Before long, the pace quickened, and huge sections of the earth began
to pile up on one another. I made it home and turned the machine off, but it was too late; the
reaction had started.
I was left with no choice. Within a moment or two my house would be permanently fused with
the mountain behind it. I would have to use the experimental spatial-density transport ray. I
had worked on it years before, but never dared to test it. I flipped the switch, and found I
would have to replace the batteries. I got some from the refrigerator, all the time hearing the
wrath of the time vacuums outside. I put the new batteries in, crossed my fingers for good
luck, and pointed the ray at myself. And that is how I came to this planet.
THE END
There's also a John Carpenter movie called DARK STAR, and you can win a brand new DVD of
it by following the instructions below.
SUPERATOMIC GIVEAWAY OF THE WEEK
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Part of my whole reason for being here is to expose people to cool and/or weird stuff that
they might not otherwise know about, and one of the main ways I want to do that is by
giving stuff away for free.
This week's giveaway is a NEW DVD of DARK STAR, the crazy (and funny) low-budget sci-fi
film that started out as a student film for John Carpenter. The movie features an acting
performance by Dan O'Bannon, who went on to write ALIEN and other cool stuff.
See the website for further details!
To enter, send an e-mail to superatomic@franticflicker.com. Put your NAME (first and last) and
ADDRESS in the BODY of the e-mail, and use the SUPERATOMIC SECRET PASSWORD in a
COMPLETE SENTENCE as the SUBJECT line. Your information will not be used for any other
purpose.
The SUPERATOMIC SECRET PASSWORD for this week is... (gotta subscribe to find out).
Visit the superatomic section of the website (www.franticflicker.com/superatomic) for
complete rules, more details and a photo of this week's prize. Contest ends late Thursday
night, July 8, 2004 (if the message says Friday, that's too late Thursday night), and the
winner will be contacted by e-mail and announced on the site on Friday.
By entering, you confirm that you are 18 years of age or older. US or Canadian entrants only,
please.
WHODUNNIT
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Written, compiled, researched, edited and published by yours truly, King Boss Man Eric
Henderson! Thanks for reading it!
The Frantic Flicker is a weekly e-mail newsletter published by Eric Henderson.
The official Frantic Flicker website is sometimes a site to behold. Right this second it could still
use a solid update, but that's really honestly and truly on the way soon. In the meantime,
you can see what's there at:
www.franticflicker.com
If you have any questions or comments, pass 'em on to: eric@franticflicker.com. If you don't
want me to print your letter, let me know. I'll talk at you again next week. Until then, have
fun!
Eric
All content copyright 2004 Eric Henderson. All rights reserved, but feel free to forward this
e-mail or link to my home page. Thanks.
To SUBSCRIBE, visit www.franticflicker.com. To UNSUBSCRIBE, follow the autoresponder
instructions below.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
THE LIVING END
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::